so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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