i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
