If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
