I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
