You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mom said you looked used
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
