You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
