I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
