cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
