You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
