I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
