five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
