ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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