i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got inside last night via doggy door
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
