Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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