Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what day is it and did you see me today?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
