it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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