She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
