Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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