So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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