I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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