Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
