She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
