Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
