I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
