Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
