Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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