I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
