While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
