Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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