i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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