i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize