batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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