So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
