i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
