What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
