I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
