walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
