I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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