if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
