You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
