Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
