i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
