before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
