so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
