i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
