i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
