I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
