i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
