i think i have two assholes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize