Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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