morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
