As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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