i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
