grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
