Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
