Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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