I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
