Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
