Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Two words: nipple clamps
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