I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
