Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
