I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
