been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
