i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
