I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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