Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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