Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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