Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Will you blow on my dice?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
