I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You ruined the universe
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
