Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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