I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
